Growing Old Gracefully: The Ultimate Guide to Elderly Care in India Every Family Must Read.

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Sanskars or Sacrifice? The Emotional Cost of Being a Caregiver in India.

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In India, caregiving is often wrapped in layers of culture, family duty, and tradition. It’s seen as a sacred act—an extension of our sanskars (values). But beneath the surface of devotion lies a deep emotional, physical, and financial strain—often endured in silence, especially by women.

 

Is caregiving an act of unconditional love or a role many are silently coerced into? Let’s unpack the emotional cost of being a caregiver in India and question the line between tradition and sacrifice.

 

1. When Culture Becomes a Cage: The Weight of ‘Sanskars’.

 

In Indian society, caregiving is rarely seen as a choice. From a young age, we are taught to honor, serve, and care for our elders—especially parents and in-laws. This belief is reinforced through religious teachings, Bollywood films, and everyday conversations.

 

But these sanskars, while noble in intent, often ignore the unequal burden placed on women. Daughters and daughters-in-law are expected to give up jobs, sleep, and dreams to care for aging family members. Their sacrifices are applauded—but rarely compensated or supported.

 

2. What Caregiving Really Looks Like in Indian Homes.

 

Today’s typical Indian caregiver is not a trained professional—it’s a middle-aged woman juggling her own health, children, job, and an elderly parent or in-law.

 

Common caregiving responsibilities include:

  • Managing medicines, doctor visits, and hospital stays.

  • Assisting with daily needs like bathing, feeding, and mobility.

  • Handling emotional outbursts or cognitive decline.

  • Giving up personal plans due to emergencies or round-the-clock care.

     

The book Forced to Care explains that caregivers often become “tethered” to the home—unable to go out even for an hour without fear of what could happen in their absence. Sound familiar?

 

3. The Emotional and Mental Toll of ‘Doing the Right Thing’.

 

Caregivers in India experience a cocktail of emotions: guilt, resentment, love, exhaustion, and grief. According to research, caregivers worldwide report:

 

  • Elevated stress levels.

  • Anxiety and depression.

  • Poor sleep and fatigue.

  • Long-term health issues like high blood pressure and diabetes.

     

The pressure to be a “good daughter” or “ideal bahu” silences their pain. Many accept it as their fate, unaware that burnout is not noble—it’s dangerous.

 

4. Why Women Are the Default Caregivers in India.

 

Caregiving is deeply gendered. The Indian woman is culturally seen as the nurturer. She’s the one who “adjusts,” puts family first, and quietly does the emotional labor. This mindset translates into:

 

  • Women leaving jobs to become full-time caregivers.

  • Being expected to care for in-laws with the same intensity as one’s parents.

  • Having their contribution go unrecognized because it's “expected.”

     

Globally, 70% of caregivers are women, and India mirrors that imbalance. This invisible labor remains uncompensated and undervalued, even though it directly impacts a woman’s health, income, and identity.

 

5. The Rise of the Sandwich Generation in India.

 

With rising life expectancy and delayed parenthood, many Indian adults in their 40s and 50s are caring for both aging parents and young children. This “sandwich generation” is emotionally squeezed from both sides:

 

  • Elder care is relentless and long-term.

  • Children demand time and emotional presence.

  • Work suffers. Social life disappears.

     

These caregivers often reduce work hours, miss promotions, or exit the workforce entirely—leading to long-term financial losses and identity crises.

 

6. The Silent Crisis: Caregiver Burnout and Isolation.

 

A caregiver’s life often looks like this: wake up early, prep meals, attend to the elder’s needs, rush to work (if employed), return to caregiving tasks, sleep poorly, and repeat.

 

This lifestyle erodes self-worth and connection to self.

 

As Forced to Care puts it, caregivers lose their “autonomy” and surrender parts of their

identity in service to others. It’s like “being in jail,” said one caregiver tending to a dialysis patient at home.

This isn’t just tiring—it’s traumatic.

 

7. Is There Any Support from the Indian Government?

 

Short answer? Not much.

While India has some schemes like:

  • National Social Assistance Programme.

  • Integrated Programme for Older Persons.

  • Old Age Pension Schemes.

…none are targeted at caregivers. There are:

  • No caregiver allowances.

  • No paid leave schemes for informal caregivers.

  • No state-sponsored respite care programs.

     

Most elder care in India is informal and unpaid, falling squarely on the family’s shoulders—especially women’s.

 

8. When Family Expectations Become Emotional Blackmail.

 

In many households, caregiving becomes less about love and more about pressure. Cultural guilt is weaponized:

 

  • “You’ll understand when you’re old.”

  • “This is your duty.”

  • “Log kya kahenge if you put them in a care home?”

     

This mindset traps caregivers, preventing them from seeking help or setting boundaries. The idea of “seva” (service) becomes emotional blackmail, blurring the line between compassion and coercion.

 

9. Finding Balance: Can We Redefine Caregiving in India?

 

Here’s the truth: caregiving rooted in love is beautiful. But caregiving rooted in guilt, pressure, or sacrifice is toxic.

 

What can be done?

 

  • Open Conversations: Families need to normalize discussing caregiving responsibilities. Don’t assume—ask, share, and distribute tasks.

     

  • Ask for Help: If you’re burnt out, hire professional help—even part-time. NGOs like Dignity Foundation, Nightingales Medical Trust, and HelpAge India offer resources.

     

  • Prioritize Self-Care: Schedule breaks. Stay connected with friends. Eat and sleep well. You matter.

     

  • Advocate for Policy Change: Demand caregiver leave, tax benefits, and subsidies. Let’s push for formal recognition of this invisible workforce.

     

Conclusion: From Obligation to Awareness.

 

In Indian households, caregiving often starts with a smile and ends in silence.

 

We need to shift the narrative from blind duty to conscious compassion. Let’s recognize caregiving as labor—emotional, physical, and financial. Let’s support caregivers—not with praise, but with action, resources, and empathy.

 

Because if sanskars mean sacrificing your mental health, maybe it’s time to redefine what our values truly mean.

 


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